02 September 2010

The Silence and The Darkness.

The following is a story I wrote that goes with an instrumental ambient/metal project I am finishing up.

Keep seeking.

How much longer must I wait? Another sleepless night, though this night is unlike any other. I wish that somehow I could turn everything into nothing. And yet I wait and wait until what I thought was everything grows deeper, appearing like dust out of nowhere, showing its subtle changes, reluctant to move. Tonight it becomes a weighing presence, more like cement than a thin layer of dirt and everything seems to creak under its immobilizing blanket. Nothing can escape it, from the table by the bed, to the pictures skewed down the hall, to these weak and dry bones.

I scan out the window. It’s colder now and the fog is settling on the ground of this empty field, bringing a lonely darkness. I recall the last time I tried to regain some form of solace, to fight off the haunting that would never cease. One more step in the graveyard to see the ghosts and demons disappear, another time to let the moon and the madness die with the fear. So afraid of what they would steal, but too blind to see what they already had taken. The tombstones told stories of lives once lived, now hidden beneath a cemetery view of darkness so unsettling. Descending into the depths, I detach myself like a comet, splitting through the angel and the beast. As I lie there, pleasure in the pain pushed aside, I adjust and get comfortable in the grave. Underneath the weight of the world, I began to drift off in what I thought was a dream. I began to be carried in the sky on silver wings. I looked down upon the earth. Four fires blazing, columns of destruction leaving behind the ashes of remembrance. As the flames began to reach higher and higher, I began to realize they were searching. The flickering hides and the flashes define our distance. That was when I first noticed someone standing in the midst of the chaos unharmed. It became apparent to me that this person had caused the consuming columns to seek me out. “Destroy me, yes! Move me, never!” I screamed. And with these words I returned to the depths of the grave.

And now, tonight, I see this person once again. Towards my window I see the fog curling around you as you move. My heart begins to race and emotions pulsing through my veins. In this darkness you waited for me. A darkness growing deeper like two shadows joining in a dance away from the flames. Eye to eye with this thin glass between us I can see your face. But all I can see is my reflection running down your face, slowly taking my breath with it as it falls. I. Am. A. Wretch.

Your lips move but the vibrations do not meet my ears. You speak again, and I can make out the words as they turn into frost on the window. “My child, my child. Open your eyes.”

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